I've been working with teenagers and their parents for over 25 years. If I had a buck for every time I've heard what I am getting ready to tell you about, I could retire.

How the "we parent" shows up

While the we parent can show up in any number of ways, the most common subject is around school. Usually the we parent will say something like:

"We did not do well in school last year."

"We got a D in geometry."

"We skipped school today."

Are you getting the pattern?

This is when I usually say something like:

"What a minute, what's this "we" stuff?

The reason I make a big deal out of this is because the we parent is usually over-involved in some way. With school and grades, the parent is usually encouraging and bugging the kid about school and the kid is resisting.

What to do?

The we parent comes across as controlling and over-involved. It's important to remember that the we parent is motivated by love.

So the next step is to channel that love in a way that works. Many times what that looks like is putting the child in charge of school. So then the parent can then move on and deal with whatever area of life they have been avoiding with the we parent role.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com